How to get laid more often!

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“I love you” as you walk out the door on your way to work. She doesn’t even batter an eyelid as she packs her work bag. It’s been a long time since you got laid and those balls are starting to look pretty blue.

Words are cheap

How cheap are words? The phrase “I love you bae” can leave you feeling unmoved if it is said with the same complacent tone as “pass me the butter honey”. The famous quote “all words and no action” are certainly relevant and you are not going to find her swinging from the kitchen chandelier if your only arsenal is the movement of your lips that are leaking a few random verbs with no passion behind them.

Flowers are not just for special occasions

Flowers die, perfumes run out and she is definitely going to want dessert after she has scraped the food off the plate at that fancy restaurant. We all want pleasurable moments and the objective of flowers is to show love and appreciation through a means other than words. Seasonal flowers are a visual pleasure and should not only be enjoyed for the big occasions such as Valentine’s Day and birthdays. An unexpected floral gesture normally goes a lot further than those pre-planned celebrations.

Be more romantic

Ok, so ladies do love words, it is true! Put a note on the flowers, have some forethought and don’t leave it up to the florist to write it for you. Think about writing words what rings true to your relationship, a funny memory, or a special phrase you often say. It is sure to win her over.

Even feminists love flowers

Yep, she loves Ellen for her liberation, adores Michelle Obama for her ability to make woman all over the globe feel empowered and probably rages out to pink. She is that fiery independent woman who brings home her own bacon and knows how to look after herself. But deep down she still loves to be spoilt, even if she doesn’t mention it. Don’t think for a minute that because she is not verbalising it that she is not thinking it. I am sure Carey Hart knows how to spoil his wife.

Buying flowers doesn’t make you lame

So you got this far and you are have now bought some flowers. You feel lame, but really you are just putting yourself in a place of vulnerability. Don’t buy into the feeling, you are showing great signs of moving towards relieving those blue tinged balls.

If all else fails

Make sure your intentions come from the heart and I doubt she will be able to resist you. If all else fails buy champagne and flowers. I can’t guarantee you a good shag but it is definitely worth a try.